The Maravi Post

THE manufacturer of human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, sex, race or creed, due to a serious defect in their central processing unit, otherwise known as the heart.

The defect is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named “Adam” and “Eve” that has been passed on in the reproduction of all subsequent units and clones.

The defect has been technically termed, "Severe Insufferable Noncompliance", or more commonly known as SIN.

Some symptoms of this defect are:

1.    Loss of direction
2.    Foul vocal emissions
3.    Amnesia of origin and increasing belief in Darwin’s theory
4.    Lack of peace and joy
5.    Selfish, or violent behaviour
6.    Depression or confusion in the mental component
7.    Fearfulness
8.    Lack of kindness
9.    Idolatry
10.    Rebellion
11.    Undressing innocent women
12.    Failure to operate or run as directed in the operation manual
13.    Subjugation of godliness by monetary and material leanings
14.    Abuse of authority and public resources.
(P/s: This list is not exhaustive)

The Manufacturer, Who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing patented and authorized repair, free of charge, to correct this SIN defect, which if uncorrected, subjects the units to irreparable damage.

The one and only qualified Engineer, Jesus, has most generously offered to:

1.    bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs,
2.    work -  day and night  - to ensure SIN is eradicated, and
3.    provide free genuine spare parts for self-service or DIY for those technically qualified,
and there are no additional fees required.

The toll free number to call for repairs, accessible from any network, is: P-R-A-Y-E-R.

Again, P-R-A-Y-E-R is available, on or offline, for those that are internet savvy. Once connected, upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from this authorised engineer, Jesus, into the heart component. No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:

a.    Love
b.    Joy
c.    Peace
d.    Patience
e.    Kindness
f.    Goodness
g.    Faithfulness
h.    Gentleness
i.    Self Control

Finally through word or deed, preferably both, ACKNOWLEDGE the fact that Jesus is the one that has reconfigured and overhauled your entire operating system.

Refer to the operating manual, HOLY BIBLE, for further details and system maintenance. For 24 hours seven days support, again available on or offline, the Manufacturer has made available to all repaired units a facility enabling direct monitoring and assistance from a roving service company, called the HOLY SPIRIT.

Repaired units need only to download Him; He is plug and play and will self-install upon download to take up permanent residence in the hearts!

WARNING:

Continuing to operate the human being unit without alteration, voids the Manufacturer's warranty, exposing the unit to mortal and eternal danger and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded.

Again, take note that many operators will come to you claiming to be operating under licence from Jesus. Do NOT be fooled. You will know these phoneys by their works and love of money.

Remember, for free emergency service, call on JESUS.

DANGER:

Human being units not responding to this recall action will be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to continue prevailing to prevent further contamination. Thank you for your attention. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice.

You may for example “like this” on Facebook and save the world, in the literal sense!
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©2012 The Maravi Post. Reproduction authorised, with usual acknowledgment