The Maravi Post

THIS week we will depart from our usual topics and talk about something somewhat less theological. But do not be fooled, this does not make it any less challenging. Our subject is the issue of choices, the choices and decisions we would make when faced the ultimate dilemma. Read on.

Long, long time ago a young king was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by the youthful king’s happiness. So he offered him freedom so long as he could answer a very difficult question. The young king would have a year to figure out the answer. If, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed. The question was, "What do women really want?"

Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man. It is known for a fact to have haunted even the Biblical wise King Solomon. And, to the young king, it was indeed an impossible question.

Since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end. The young king returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princesses, the prostitutes, the priests, the court jester and my predecessors: the wise ones of his time.

He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. What most people told him was to consult an old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would be high, since the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived, and the young king had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer his question, but he'd have to accept her price first: The old witch wanted to marry Tipitana, the most noble of the Royal Court and the king’s closest friend!

The young king was confounded. The witch was hunchbacked and awfully hideous, she had only one tooth, she smelled like sewage water, and she often made obscene noises. He had never run across a more repugnant creature. He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure such a burden.

Tipitana, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with his friend, the young king. He told him that nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to the king’s life and the preservation of the Royal Court. Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered the young king’s question:

"What a woman really wants is to be able to be in charge of her own life."

Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great and unassailable truth and that the young king's life would be spared. And it indeed it came to pass that the neighbouring monarch spared the young king's life and granted him total freedom.

And lo! What a wedding Tipitana and the witch had! The young king was torn between relief and anguish. Tipitana was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display. She ate with her hands, belched and farted, and made everyone uncomfortable and embarrassed her bridegroom and the young king in no small way!

After the wedding, the nuptials approached. Tipitana, outwardly calm but with a storm raging inside his head, steeled himself for a horrific night, and entered the nuptial bedroom. What a sight awaited him!

The most beautiful woman he'd ever seen lay before him! Tipitana was astounded and asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her (when she had been a witch), half the time she would be her horrible, deformed self, and the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self.

Which, she asked, would he want her to be during the day and which during the night?
What a cruel question, thought Tipitana. And unlike his friend the king, he had no ugly witch to consult! What irony, he thought: he is in this predicament because of another impossible question, only to be faced with yet another no-win question.

Tipitana’s medulla oblongata began to roll: during the day, he could have a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home, he would be with an old spooky witch. Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch but by night a beautiful woman to enjoy many intimate moments? What would you do? What Tipitana chose follows below, but don't read until you've made your own choice!!!!

Noble Tipitana replied that he would let the witch choose for herself! Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful ALL the time because he had respected her and had let her be in charge of her own life.

What is he moral of this story? Several lessons come to the fore. The first and easy one is that it doesn't matter if your woman is pretty or ugly; underneath it all, she's still a witch. But again, on the positive side, we learn that sometimes it is best to let those under our power and authority to determine their own fate and destiny – this is the only way we can get win-win outcomes.

See you next week, same time, same MaraPost Humour. Topic is “Will you marry me?”
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©2012 The Maravi Post. Reproduction authorised, with usual acknowledgment