Written by LADY XCUSE
BLANTYRE--A new Malawi sex blog called Lady Xcuse, which launched on January 7 by Priscilla, has given some sex tips that says will “help you be the man that can be attractive to ladies in 2013.”
The blog, which could be a hit with Malawian middle class seeking love and relationships, lists the following:
1. Learn to take two baths a day. Women love men who look clean. There is nothing like a turn off resulting from a strong bad smell of sweat, urine and bad breath.
If you can take a bath in the morning then no matter how late you knock off, take another one before you hit the sheets.
This will revitalize you and keep you clean at the same time. As you are taking good care of your body don't forget your bedroom because that will be the final resting place of your relationship with the girl i.e. if you hit Gold.
Make sure your bedroom is tidy and smelling nice also. Gone are the days men used to have bedoroms like kuntaya. If you have the money invest in good bedroom furniture and decorate it in your own liking.
Trust me, you will have quite a sexual adventure if your bedorom is like a kings.
2. Shave unnecessary hairs from your body. Most women respond to a man who is well shaven, clean and smells nice. I am not saying take it all off (though many women will wish you had down there) but just trim it down so that it’s manageable and well kept.
Don't let your armpit hairs grow Lucky Dube style and turn Yellow at the same time like they have been seasoned with Mayonnaise. Women also respond positively when giving you a BJ if you are well shaven and smelling nice down there.
If you a beard man, take good care of your facial hair. Trim it to a good size and make sure that it doesn’t come in the way when you are kissing your girl.
I know of some lady who complained that her boyfriend’s moustache hair kept finding its self in her mouth after kissing.
3. Take good care of your skin.
There is a tendency among Malawian men of not putting on body lotions when its weekend or the fact that their legs and arms will be hidden in trousers and long shirt sleeves.
You see a good handsome man but the skin itself is usually a turn off when they strip or whenever they are wearing shorts.
What happened to good soft and supple skin? There are cheap and expensive body lotions but all of them save their purpose once mixed with Glycerin.
Your skin can be a turn off if it’s cracked, dry and hard to a woman’s touch. It can however be fixed with consistent use of body lotions after every bath.
If you have the money you can even go for the anti-aging creams available in stores just to enhance your skin. Who doesn't want to touch and caress some good skin when they are with their man?
And its awkward when that cute nurse tells you to strip the bum for your injection and she comes face to face with your cracked and dry skin looking like a chameleons skin!
4. Don't repeat any clothes simultaneously. We know you love that Marks & Spencer shirt, the Ralph Lauren Golf shirt or those jean trousers but when you continue wearing it twice in a row or everyday, its so irritating and very smelly no matter how much perfume you wear. Make sure all your clothes are wash machine clean before you wear them.
Most women are turned off by the smell of sweat on a man and usually we get it when we hug. Or that dirty line on your neckline is even worse. Don't be a guy who appears as if they have only one trousers and shirt.
Just because it’s beautiful doesn’t mean you must wear it twice or thrice in one week. Look good in all your clothes and you will be a man who will make ladies turn their heads when you walk past.
5. Smell nice all the time. There is a popular saying in Malawi "mamuna azinunkha" and I disagree with it. That was in the past when many of our fathers and grandfathers never knew what perfume was or spent most of their days and nights hunting in the jungles without any baths.
But I know for sure whenever they returned home they did all they could to remove all that filth from their bodies. All women want their man smelling nice from head to toe. When you smell nice, a woman is ready to be near you all the time driving your intimacy to certain levels.
But when you are all smelly, I don't think she can even kiss you French let alone suck your dick. Weather its cheap or expensive deodorant and perfume, every man must have some on their dressing table.
6. Exercise, Exercise and Exercise. Whether it’s hitting the gym, indulging in your favourite sport or running around your neighbourhood every morning and evening, keep that body strong and looking good. All women love a man with a body to die for. This is good both health wise and getting you the ladies.
I must say many Malawian men nowadays know the importance of toning those muscles and staying fit. I even know of a few who are on diet just to have that Jason Statham body. For those who have shapeless fatty bodies, its not too late to start building that body or going on a diet.
People should notice the sexual difference when they see a man and a woman walking together arm in arm whether in daylight or moonlight.
7. Have a Pleasant Personality. Some men have got characters that leave a lot to be desired. A man who wants to be noticed by a woman must know how to be conversant in all topics, be able to have hobbbies and activities you indulge in and lastly be interesting and leave the women guessing what you will do next.
8. Be Romantic. Who doesn’t want those flowers on Valentines Day, a walk around the park on a Sunday afternoon or a sweet text message that says I love you on a stressful day. It doesn’t take much but just some little things that show you care and love her.
I heard from another lady saying "amuna aku Malawi akakupatsa ma rose flowers ndekuti ndi nkhata pa maliro pako". Very sad indeed. Be the man that can buy a woman flowers just because you thought of her not wait till its her birthday, anniversary or valentines day.
9. Earn a Living (illegal or Legal). At least be able to show the woman that if she marries you, she won’t starve. Most women these days prefer a man with a job and a good one at that. Life is tough and she definitely wants to secure her children’s future. If its illegal, just makes sure you don’t end up putting her in jail with you.
10. Fear God. Be a God fearing person. Whether you are going to be knee deep in tongue speaking or just an avid member of your church who attend services regularly, just show the woman that you are very well conversant with God.
The blog ends with the message: This year it's your time to get laid...
(c) The Maravi Post 2013