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19179 Lazarus our Savior

Lazarus Chakera
Conversations Between Lazarus the Savior and Lazarus Chakwera the Politician

Every week we are going to have a conversation between Lazarus the savior of Malawi and Lazarus Chakwera the ambitious and calculative politician

Lazarus the Savior: I told you when I was preparing my coup against Peter Mutharika that COVID-19 was a hoax engineered by the DPP to stop me from becoming President. Since I was anointed by God and I won the Malawi Presidency, I now declare Malawi FREE of COVID-19.

Lazarus the Politician:  I am warning Malawians to be extra careful about the deadly COVID-19 pandemic, which is spreading all over Malawi, since the first case was identified in April. I am warning you Malawians as your duly elected President (despite being a coup d’état president) that the disease is now a matter of life and death.

Lazarus the Savior: In my deal with young Naïve Chilima, I promised that he will be an empowered Vice-President and that Saulos Chilima–widely known by his initials SKC– would double as my  minister of Finance as well as heading the public sector reforms. I promise Saulos Chilima will be the country’s purse keeper in order to oversee the implementation of the nine-party Tonse Alliance manifesto which includes reducing fertilizer from the current K22 000 to K4 495 per 50 kg bag, creating one million jobs within a year and champion the public sector reforms and the economic reconstruction.

Lazarus the Politician: I fooled naïve Saulos Chilima,that he will be my Finance Minister(What a joker) instead I am appointing Saulos Chilima, who was sworn-in alongside me on Sunday, as minister of economic planning and development, and public sector reforms.

Chilima played an important role in the re-run of the controversial “Tippex election”, coming together with Chakwera to form the opposition Tonse Alliance that ultimately unseated ex-president Peter Mutharika.

UTM supporters can go to hell If they do not like the crumbs, I am throwing their way.

Those who know me know I am capable of keeping my word, just ask Jessie Kabwila. I run her out of MCP even though she was there before me.

Lazarus the Savior: while campaigning i promised million jobs within the first year, reduction of prices of fertilizers by over 400 percent, and curbing corruption, which marred the Mutharika administration. I promise no nepotism hiring in my Government. People will be hired on Merit not on favors done for me.

Lazarus the Politician: Do not judge me yet. I have yet to be sworn in but I am not sure the COVID-19 will allow me to create that many jobs.

That is all folks for this week. See you next saturday

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