Once upon a time a Nigerian village boy was playing with his friends. Whilst playing, he lost a 10 Naira note an uncle had given him.
He searchedfor it, retraced his steps, turned everything upside down wherever he had been, all in vain.Broken-hearted, hestarted crying.
The uncle asked him what the matter was. The teary boy, howling with abandon, explainedhe’d misplaced the money.
The kind uncle gave him another 10 Naira and guess what? The boy wailed even louder.
The surprised uncle asked:“Why then are you still crying?”
The boy, as if the world had come to end, cried out,“Oh! I’ld have had 20 Naira now!” and kept on crying.Before condemningthis boy’s greed, please tarry.
If you follow parliamentary proceedings, you heard our honourable parliamentarians demanding “implementation of conditions of service in full” or else, no budget.
To refresh your memory, in October 2014, ministers and lawmakers awarded themselves huge pay rises at our expense.
Ministers’ and Leader of Opposition’s pay checks soared to K1,608,000from K600,000 per month, i.e. a historic rise of 168 percent on top of assorted benefits including fuel allowances of 1,000 litres per month and K350,000 housing allowance.
Deputy Minister’s salaries shot to K800, 000 from K428, 000, i.e. 87 percent with fuel at 1,000 litres plus a cushion of K250, 000 per month housing allowance
The 193 lawmakers’ perksskyrocketed to K600, 000 per month from K126, 000; i.e. an unprecedented 376 percent. On top of this, came1,000 litres per month in fuel allowance and K350, 000 housing allowances.
Naturally, no-one bought the pretexts given for the hefty increments. But life went on.
Now, one would think after the hullabaloo that followed this scandal, since the economy is still with the dogsand is still deteriorating, parliamentarians would desist from adding salt to our injuries.
Not this lot.
Unsatisfied like the Nigerian boy, they are at it again, grumbling, threatening to torpedo the budget and all, if their conditions of service are not met in full.
Have these MPs delivered anything in full, if I may ask?
They wantloans under a facility called theGeneral Purpose Fund (GPF) which entitles MPs to an emergency loan of up to K3 million apart from car loans and other allowances.
In principle, thereshould be no problem. MPs, like everyone else, can request and get a reference letter from their employer – Parliament – walk into a bank, and like we all do, apply for a loan.
The MPs are apparently willing to do this, with a but….
What they don’t want is the loaninterest at ratesthat you and I suffer. They want the+34% interest subsidised by our taxes.
Allow me to paraphrase this.
While you part with over 34% when repaying bank loans, and while you pay taxes but get no drugs in hospitals andwhile your children are taught by disgruntled teachers paid their peanuts late; MPs – in this hostile economic environment – want, on top of their hefty salaries and cocktails of tax-free allowances,you to subsidise their loans.
They want to borrow money, but not pay the cost. Who will pay? You and I, they say, should carry thatburden on their behalf.
What kind of leaders are these?
Check this: the supreme irony is that we are in this mess because of either the stupid laws they pass (e.g. endless borrowing without returns) or the pro-transparency bills they shoot down (e.g. the private member bill to unshackle the ACB).
I normallyavoid quoting scriptures but on this, I can’t help it. The two-faced MPs’ semblance with the hypocrisy of scribes and Pharisees, who loved making harsh laws for the commoners, laws thatthey themselves were not willing to touch with a ten foot pole, is nauseating.
And while thecrying Nigerianlad’s follycan be attributed to childishness; I fail to find justification for these parliamentarians’greed.
Let me tell you yet another story. Aman walking on a beach chanced upon an old bottle. Curious, he picked it up, pulled out the cork and poof! out popped a genie.
The genie said, “To show my gratitude, make three wishes, I will grant them all.”
The man thought: good heavens, lapondalamphawi!
After clearing his throat, he demanded, “First, I want One Billion Dollars in a Swiss Bank account.”
Poof! There was a flash of light, and a piece of paper with his name, account number, pin code and logging details, materialised in his hand.
He continued, “Next, a brand new red Ferrari.”
Poof! Came a flash of light and a bright red, shiny brand-new Ferrari appeared right next to him, door open, keys dangling invitingly in the ignition.
He continued, “Finally, I want to be irresistible to women.”
I will explain what transpired later, kindly allow me to digress, I just can’t get the MPs greed off my mind.
During the very first session of this 2014/19 term, MPs demandedloans, or else no budget. They got the loans, like our local hero above got hisdesired Swiss Account.
The downside was that deductions decimated their take home pay and hence, they demanded larger than life increments.
The hefty increments were awarded, backdated to October 2014to allow them take home respectable net earnings. So, akin to our local heroabove gettinga shiny red Ferrari, here they were, second demand granted.
Buteven after the treasury-busting increments, it appears many of them are so deep in debt that they are still taking home peanuts.
Lilongwe South MP Peter Dimbais a perfect case study in parliamentary poverty and pettiness.
“I have my pay slip here, I receive K600, 000 basic pay and after deductions I receive a net salary of K254, 000.”
What Dimbaforgot to reveal is what he did with the loans whose recovery is why his spouse is questioning the ‘peanuts’ he takes home. With respect to hiswife’s query, if she did not see the loan money, she is right in taking him to task.
But if she helped squander the funds, she has no business feigning surprise at the decimated salary because Dimba is nowrendering to Caesar what is due to Caesar, hence the peanuts. Andat any rate, going by his current net earnings, he does not qualify for the GPF loan, so he should have kept his mouth shut on this issue.
Still talking of boundless greed, let me continue with the tale of the genie.
The genie rescuing hero, armed with a Billion Dollars in a Swiss account, a brand new red Ferrari, was still far from happy. He wanted more, proving Socrates – the great philosopher, right in observing that he who is not contented with what he has, will not be contented with what he would like to have.
This local hero demanded that the genie make him “irresistible to women” and the genie – unlike our parliamentarians – delivered.
Poof! Yet another flash of light and the man turned into diamonds, a girl’s best friend!
Coming back to MP Dimba and his greedy lot, without implying that women find them irresistible, I have some friendly advice.
And this is: after getting your two demands, stop there. Be satisfied. A third demand could come with consequences you maynot like.
Look, even with what the MPs are calling peanuts, a libidinouscharacter amongst themwas arrested last sitting chasing under-aged skirts. Although the charges were dropped, no-one in their right senses respect that guyany more and althoughcalled honourable, for many he is the most dishonourable person walking the face of the earth.
My second piece of advice goes to the ‘saviour’ of the day, Dr Lazarus Chakwera, MP. Before the Leader of Opposition celebrates the rarecredit for bringing sanity back in the House, let him ponder this:
IF he really had things under control in the Malawi Congress Party (MCP) in and out of parliament, his boys shouldn’t be behaving like the Nigerian lad above or the gentleman on the beach. Their greed would have limits.
At the next Caucus, was I MCP leader, I would remind my legislators that in Malawi, even during this economic turbulence, there is enough to satisfy every one’s needs, but there isn’tenough to satiate every one’s greed.
In conclusion, let those MPs whose net salary qualifies them, access the K3 million General Purpose Fund(GPF) loan atthe banks, and shoulder the punitive commercial bank 34percent base lending rate or more, like we all do.
If this is too much to ask, then let the genie turn the whole lot into diamonds, which we can export, before their greed kills us all.
I repeat: there isin Malawi enough to satisfy every one’s needs, but there just isn’t enough for every one’s greed.