Last time I wrote about being the “Woman You Would Like Your Son to Marry,” which of course was about women and mainly those that have graduated to from mere woman hood to Wives. Of course, being a wife of a single man. A husband. Here, men thought they were safe, but for a moment they were until I figured out something as I was walking around our popular market in the tiny city of the north, MATAIFA. Continue reading BE THE HUSBAND YOU WOULD LIKE YOUR DAUGHTER TO MARRY →

I recall someone asking me if I have a family or a household. His question though didn’t make much difference nor did it mean something to me at that time, but today it does. And maybe I should ask you too. Do you have a Family or a Household?

The definition of a family has some blood bonds attached to it. Thus no matter how far one maybe from you, they still remain part of your family. No geographical boundaries are known as a family is concerned. No behavior defines who your family is. Whether good or bad, family remains a family. Whereas a household has limitations: I live with you today in my house, sharing meals from the same pot, you become part of my household. Tomorrow you move to your own house, you from your own household, and automatically you cease to be part of my household. Blood connected or not. So long you are not under my roof; you are not part of my household.

Which is better? I know I will get a mixed reaction to this, depending on one’s behavior and character. There are times we have wished a certain man we met was our father, simply because you admired something in that person. Why the wish? Because “Family” is engraved in your blood and it matters

Growing up, I used to see my mother doing some unusual things when visitors are in. A chicken, local chicken cold be prepared in a very special way; Special plates, cups and tumblers. The table could be set in a special way and I could go like WOW!!! And as a child, I could not be allowed into the house anyhow. “Go and play with your friends.” Mother could say sending me away.

Whenever father was around and his food served on the “common” plates, he could enquire about the good plates he had bought. And before mother could answer, I could quickly come in and say “there are meant for visitors”. To this my father could get mad and he usually said, “You mean I the owner of the house can’t use those plates because of visitors?”

Typical of African families; Failing to distinguish a family from a household hence failing to ascertain the value that the later deserves.

I was once visited by my in-laws from my wife’s home. I was surprised to see my wife kneeling down to me offering me a glass of water. It was strange and I was caught tongue tied. My mouth wide opened and it seems I ceased to think for some seconds. I heard calling me by my Surname, and she did a lot of strange things that day that were never done before and neither are the done now. Wow!!! Funny haaaa!!!!

Here is where most couples and of course families miss the train to happy and joyous family life. IT’S A FIRST THINGS FIRST PRINCIPLE. While I grew up watching mother doing and providing the best to guests, I had it my mind that with me, it’s Family First. If I am to please someone, it should be my family first. If I am to cook the best meal, it should be for my family. If I am to say the sweetest words, it should be to my family. It’s all about first things first. What matters the most to you will attract most of your attention. And that determines the type of family you are to raise.

I remember one time when I was kid while in South Africa, our family used to visit the family of Mr Caban, a South African but from the same faith. They were fairly old and I used to call them “ugogo” meaning granny. Every time it was announced that we will be visiting ugogo, I could get more excited than ever one main reason. I was treated as a king that side. I was given special meals and special treatment that side. No wonder I still remember the family as if it were yesterday. The family was so kind to me, even if I become troublesome.  She could teach me in kind words and it was a time I wished I was born in that family. I felt counted and loved more than I felt in our own home. See the danger!!!

Imagine a wife telling her husband’s friends, “I don’t love my husband anymore. I lost feelings for him…” What do you think could be of this family? Should the husband expect anything best from such a wife? And if you happen to be the friends of the husband, what could you? Hope you can see the reason why we out to value our families above all that we have.

“For God so loved the world that he gave…” is the common and most read verse in most churches. What God did was first thing first. In several occasion, we hear God claiming. “This is my begotten son… in whom I am well pleased” but despite that, God turned a deaf ear to his “begotten” son when Jesus prayed in the garden, “If it is possible, let this cup pass from me”. You may wonder why and how could an all powerful father do that. It’s all because God had First things first principle. The under lying issue is that “God so loved the World”, and we are told that by giving his son, God gave the best heaven could give. Someone said; God gave heaven to a world he so much loved. Since we are made in the likeness of God, why can’t a husband and a wife “So love” each and their family, that they should give the best they can to each other, and to the family.

When family matters, everything good matters. Its automatic and its practical. But it depends on your answer to the question, “does your family matter?”

Once, a family was living away from each other because of work related issue. The husband for quite some time had longed to get his family united and connected. So he bought everyone in the family a handset and installed a ground line in the home. They called and talked and it seemed to work, but something was still lacking. Despite having all the things a family could need to be pronounced “well to do”, the husband was somehow unhappy. He later decided to resign and head home for his family. Do you think he made a wise choice? If you were the wife, what would have been your reaction?

This exactly what Jesus did. It is called sacrifice. You need to sacrifice for your family. You need to give your whole. Sometimes, your family does not need your money, your car, and your gifts. I mean, they are not prostitutes to be bought, nor are they assets to be sold. They need you. Therefore make yourself available for your family. Your wife and kids need you. Your parent and granny need you. Your brothers and sisters do need you too. Make a difference in their lives today while you still have your life and a chance to do so. Tomorrow you or them may never be there.

“A house with love in it, where love is expressed in words and looks and deeds, is a place where angels love to manifest their presence and hallow the scene by rays of light from glory. There the humble household duties have a charm in them. None of life’s duties will be unpleasant to your wife under such circumstances. She will be like sunbeam to all around her, and she will be making melody in her heart to the Lord” AH109.1

Learn to express love in words and in deeds. Learn to forget yourself for the sake of your family.

“God tests and proves us by the common occurrences of life. It is the little things which reveal the chapters of the heart. It is the little attentions, the numerous small incidents and simple courtesies of life, that make up the sum of life’s happiness; and it is the neglect of kindly encouraging, affectionate words, and the courtesies of life which helps compose the sum of life’s wretchedness. It will be found at lat that the denial of self for the good and happiness of those around us constitutes a large share of life record in heaven. And the fact will also be revealed that the care of self, irrespective of the good and happiness of others is not beneath the notice of our heavenly father”AH108.2

Stay blessed until we meet in the next article