This week our ongoing conversation between Lazarus the savior of Malawi and Lazarus Chakwera the ambitious and calculative politician who became Malawi President with the aide of the Malawi corrupt Judiciary:
Lazarus the Savior: I have ordered our new Attorney General Dr Chikosa Silungwe, the one that defended me in the election case, to enforce (Coronavirus and COVID-19) Prevention, Containment and Management Rules, 2020. I have ordered Silungwe to hire an army of enforcement officers that should comprise health officers, immigration officers, men in uniform and chiefs, among others. I have ordered Chikosa Silungwe, to make all Malawians wear face masks include medical masks and indeed cloth masks. All gathering of more than 10 people is forbidden unless in special cases of funeral where the number of people gathered should not exceed 50. An area can also be closed if deemed so if it has recorded many cases of Covid-19. To top it up, People who fail to adhere to the measures will be required to pay a fine of MK10,000.
Lazarus the Politician: Since I am now the State President, I do not need to follow my own measures. I can do whatever I want, and no one can stop me. Since I am President Dr Lazarus Chakwera of this country I will attend the funeral service of the late Mai Roseby Dinala at the St Columbus CCAP in Blantyre. I will make sure the Malawi Police will not enforce COVID-19 measures since I will be the one breaking the measures.
Lazarus the Savior: I have ordered Malawi Police to arrest 140 people in Chikwawa over noncompliance of the new COVID-19 measures. I would like to confirm that The Malawi police service have today arrested over 145 people in Chikwawa over noncompliance to the newly gazetted COVID 19 measures.
Confirming the arrests, Deputy National Police spokesperson Thomeck Nyaude told media that so far one hundred eighteen people have paid the 10-thousand-kwacha penalty.
Lazarus the Politician: I have ordered, Thomeck Nyaude, who was the Deputy National spokesperson for Malawi Police, be demoted and immediately redeployed to the northern regional police’s general duties section. He made me look bad on the arrest of those not wearing face masks. I am the state President who does he think he is. He was not supposed to tell the media that I was arresting people as is my habit. He gave an interview that did not like. In the interview, Nyaude confirmed the arrest of 145 people found not wearing face masks in Chikwawa district. Little did he know that the interview he granted in good faith would land him in hot soup. I have ordered that Nyaude be replaced by Peter Kalaya, who was the spokesperson for the Northern Region Police. The posting is with immediate effect, according to a copy of wireless message in our possession.
I am also angry with *AG SILUNGWE for refusing to take blame for making Covid-9 restrictions on religious gatherings without blessings from this office, even though I signed off on every measure.
I am the savior from God. Next week I plan to harass former President Peter Mutharika. it will be cool freezing his accounts without any evidence.
Who can challenge me? I am Lazarus Chakwera the savior of Malawians anointed by God!