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Muckracking Extra: Of jokers and pretenders

Huh? So we have a record of twelve people, including two women, who want to lord over us after May 20? Of course we have only four ‘wannabes’ while the eight are ‘also runs’ who have a million kwacha to waste.

I do not know whether had the Katsonga brothers formed one party they could have wangled at least two seats between them – one in Mwanza, one in Neno. But two brothers? Two parties? Wow! Chester Katsonga must be a political legend to sire two presidential hopefuls!

Then there is Mai…Ooops! Pastor Helen Singh. My!

Oh, Friday Jumbe too presented his nomination papers? Hey, where is that dude who cycled all the way from Zomba? Damiano was his name. I like his bike; simple, no frills, I guess he is the transformational leader we need, not these rich buggers in gas-guzzling Hummers!

By the way, why is the obsolete military vehicle the vehicle of choice for our presidents-in-waiting? Is it a sign of opulence? But the Hummer is one ugly vehicle even the Americans stopped fancying forcing General Motors to stop manufacturing it! But, hey, even Abusa scrambled together one, a blue one at that! Whew!

James Nyondo, him who ‘also ran’ that time, is also still in the running, so is George Nnesa. I do not know about Nyondo but Nnesa should have concentrated on defending his Balaka seat. He did a good job in calling Ken Lipenga his bluff on those sexed up MRA collection books.

But the presidency? Does he really believe even his wife can vote for him? This Tisinthe Alliance is a joke in these elections.

What do politicians see that we, the ordinary mortals, do not? I do not know what happens to good people when they have dalliances with politics.

But, seriously, Malawi needs not have 50-plus political parties. I hate to say this but the only parties that have a realistic chance of producing a president in these elections are four: Tate’s DPP, Ama’s PP, Bebe’s UDF and MCP for Abusa. (Do not stone me, I have not arranged them in any particular order of preferability, the quartet – I think – has an equal chance given the present fundamentals and variables).

But, somehow, even Prof. John Chisi thinks he has what it takes to be His Excellency the President of the Republic of Malawi come May 22, 2014, with his archaic 18th Century feudalism politics!

C’mon, good people! Granted, Chisi is a good man, a good family doctor, my friend Seodi White tells me so!

But if he has a million kwacha to waste – devalued or otherwise – he should have wasted it on treating patients at his good clinic for free!

Of course, all I can do is to laugh at these pretenders and jokers but I do not envy the job of the veritable judge, Maxon Mbendera…he who had to spend the whole week looking at these people’s sweaty faces, listening to their high-sounding dreams and reading to them his prepared speech knowing too well they were just wasting his honourable time!

Funny things, politics, as one British editor used to put it!

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