“Wives once treated their husbands as gods, but with time the letters got replaced and ‘D’ exchanged positions with ‘G’ but ‘S’ maintained it position when needed in the statement and things change.”
“A good wife always forgives her husband when she is wrong”
“Mindlessly have some words with your wife, and she will have some paragraphs with you”
“My wife died last year” one said. “You are lucky, mine is still alive” said the other.
“After marriage, a husband and a wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still stay together”
“I know what terrorism is all about because am married”
“The most effective way to remember your wives birthday, is to forget it once”
“First there’s the promise ring, then engagement ring, then the wedding ring… soon after… comes suffer..ing”
“The reason why wives live longer is because they don’t have a Wife”
The list is endless and unfortunately, they all point to women and wives. Someone argued and blamed all the mess in the world on women. “Honey, what happened to ‘ladies first’? Husband replies, ‘it’s the reason the world’s a mess today, because a lady went first”. Breathing taking right! Women and women and women all the time. Doesn’t the bible say we are made in the image of God? Gen 1:27 “so God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.” But what went wrong?
This is what people say, mostly men and a few honest women
“I love my wife, but she doesn’t respect me anymore. She is so rude”
“My wife is man, and I am a wife. I don’t enjoy my marriage anymore”
“We women have a problem. We usually assume our husband’s role in the family, hence the battle”
“It’s wonderful to be a woman, but better still it’s a blessing to be a wife. It’s unfortunate that most married women are still women”
“I got married 5 years ago, but am still single in the presence of my wife”
“Till my husband walked away, I realize I had lost the king”
“If you can’t cook for your husband, whose food do you think he enjoys? If you can’t give him sex the way and when he needs it, where do you think he will get it? To make it better, WHERE DO YOU THINK HE GETS IT? My fellow ladies, be mindful, some of us are still single and we know how desperate your husband is!”
“When I first saw your man, I felt it inside of me that he’s a good guy. When I learn how abusive you are, I fell in love with him. How I wish he has the same feeling.”
Wow! But we know women complain about their husband never being home for them. We hear some husband never provide for the family. And others even sleep out. Something we all know is that it was never like this in the beginning. Something might have gone wrong somewhere. And this has ought to be worked out. It is however laughable and funny to see many couples trying hard to work out their differences and cease the cold war fire within the family which keeps on getting ablaze every now and then without necessarily finding out the root cause.
Think for a moment: You drive to the garage and the mechanic ushers you to a parking lot. Without enquiring from you on what brings you to the garage, the mechanic immediately instructs his boys saying, “Bring down the gear box and the engine. Drain the engine oil and work on the suspension system. I will do the rest.” What would you say? Laughable right! If you would be so stupid to the advances against your car, I believe you will be leaving the garage with tears having worsened the situation. This is what most couples are doing. They both know that things aren’t working and they both confess that they are living a life they’ve never wished for, but fail to answer the question, “What went wrong?”
You will recall how close you people were soon after marriage. Whether it was done in church or not, the type of ceremony you went through doesn’t really define what you are going through now. Think of the time you used to say, “I can hardly do without you”, “You mean the world to me”. Think of those days when you could barely let your wife do the cooking alone. The days when you hardly let you husband do the woods alone. Holding hands when going to the market place and happily getting black jack as your vegetables dish for the day. What about that time when sex was as sexy as it could it be? The days when your body was his and you lived admiring him every moment, as if you are just seeing him for the first time. You once called him your one and only and yes, she was all your balloon eyes could see. Did I just call your eyes balloon eyes? Yes, because you are now busy eyeing other women when you ought to be eyeing that woman you married. Yes, the “woman” you married because I know you regret having married her.
This is what went wrong… Listen carefully and be wise. Revelation 2:4 “… Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou has left thy first love” BOOOM!!!!! This was Jesus to a church he so much loves. Just like a husband to a wife he so much loved. Lamenting, the husband says he has something against you. You have left your first love. Take it or leave it, this is what is wrong. This is what went wrong. In a meek voice, Jesus says to his church bride in Verse 5, “remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, repent and do thy first works…”
God in his Majesty says to a fallen nation, “Come now, let us reason together…though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they be as wool” Isaiah 1:18
Are you asking me how I can justify that you have left your first love? Don’t be stupid to defend yourself. In every argument, it is said that both of you do contribute. And it is argued that if you are normal, disagreements must be part you. That healthy. As much as I don’t go for the common says and speculations circulating around the air, I am tempted to buy a few of such ideologies because I am married and I know how true they are.
Can you justify why you stopped cooing with your wife? Why you dont go to the market place together? Why you deny your husband sex pretending you are sick, or simply claiming you are asleep? Can you tell me, oops, not me but your husband. Justify why you talk to him as your kid? Yelling at her, as if she is a dog, when he used to a god? Please let the world know why you can’t understand that your husband is broke and he won’t afford that beautiful dress you want? Think and think and think again and again and again.
“If men want their wives to be angels, they must first create heaven for them because angels don’t live in hell” Wow! And WOW! Let’s think about this. Who are angels? Beautiful invisible creatures that keep an eye over the world 27/7? Nop. Absolutely no! They are ministering spirits. And would be good to know the real character of Angels.
- They minister and are not ministered to
- They take and execute commands and instruction just as they have received them.
- They are created being with a free will of choice.
- They love their master because they choose to love
- They obey and do the will of their master because they love him
- They are subordinates
This makes angels beautiful and different from all the creatures. It is the reason why every art of an angels portrays them as ever smiling beings. They have wings and so they go anywhere their master wants them to go.
But what happened to our ladies, while they want to be treated as angels and be given heaven as their home, this is what they do;
- They wish to ministered to
- They wish to be instructors and commanders of their masters
- They abuse the freedom of choice they have
- They are forced to love their husband because of that wedding ring they wear
- They obey because they are afraid of consequences of disobedience.
- They need to be masters
Maybe the following tells better how an angel creates hell from heaven;
“How art though fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! How art thou cut down to the ground, which didst weaken the nations! For thou hast said in thine heart, I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God: I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north: I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will be like the most high.”Isaiah 14:12-14
Come to think of it. This mighty angel had one major problem. Besides having a commanding position over his fellow angels, he wanted to be the master… I WILL BE LIKE THE MOST HIGH. In other words, he didn’t want to be an angel but a GOD. What happened next? Cast down to the ground.
Remember the husband is the king of the home. And kings are served. They lead and they are looked up to for final words. They are not an island, so they need a helper. Genesis 2:18.
Here is what I have learnt about couples;
“My wife doesn’t respect me nowadays. She shouts at me in presence of her relations and challenges my authority”
“I have gone three full weeks without sex and my wife seems ok with that”
“Women inspire us to great things but prevent us from achieving them”
“I have never heard my wife acknowledging that she was wrong. Every time it’s me apologizing and am fed up with this.”
“I need some time alone away from home, from my wife”
“I know my wife loves me, but her actions are questionable”
“I hate being controlled, my wife guards me in a way my mother has never done it before”
And wives say;
“I feel am not his type, he doesn’t have time for me any more”
“My husband doesn’t appreciate me anymore.”
Whatever it is and where ever the blame game goes, it important to learn to be like Christ. Humble and meek. It’s not something to question about, we all know women are complicated beings but as tender and complicated as they are, it’s important to know that “every woman deserves to have a man who is proud and willing to say to the whole world, ‘Yeah, she’s my one and only. She is beautiful and she is mine’”
Men need to know that ladies are as Peter says in 1 Peter 3:7 “Likewise ye husbands, dwellwith them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered” Weaker vessels? Yes, and you can’t question why Peter says weaker vessels.
I once felt sorry when I joined some young husbands chatting after church one Sabbath. They were pointing at a certain single guy who was so prayerful and so hard working in church related activities. As I listened and joined in commenting, I was shocked to hear one saying, “…after all he is single. Let him get married and see his spiritual downfall.” I might have made a wrong conclusion but you be the judge. According to me, this meant that Women who become wives usually have a negative influence in men spiritual lives. What do you think? it could likewise be true to men’s effect on wives spiritual life. And maybe this tells why most families don’t prosper because their prayers are “Hindered.”
Having known what went wrong, know that what applies to your family situation is not what applies to mine. So take time digging what went wrong.
Lastly, and most importantly, it is important to respect the family leadership hierarchy.
And this is biblical. 1 Corinthians 11:3,7 “But I would have you know, that the head of man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God… for as much as he (man) is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man.”
And here is what this means. If the head of Christ is God, it means everything Christ does, is from God. Likewise the man. Since Christ is the head of man, everything, be it words, actions and what have you, everything a man does has to be from Christ and reflect Christ character. A woman must like wise do as the man (husband) wishes knowing so well that he is guided by Christ. It’s that simple and straight forward. The problem is greed. The husband doesn’t want to be like Christ or isn’t satisfied with being a husband and so he assumes the role of Christ, his head. The woman assumes the role of the husband her head, the man. This way, things get complicated and it is written in the scriptures that God will never share his glory with anyone. If couple start wrestling for authority in the home, Christ steps aside since he is not a God of confusion, 1 Corinthians 14:33. And James says, “For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work” James 3:16.
“Come now, let us reason together…though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they be as wool” Isaiah 1:18
OOOPS! BEFORE I FORGET, REMEMBER YOU MARRIED YOUR HUSBAND/WIFE, NOT YOUR PHONE AND WHATSAPP. SO IF YOU ARE MR/MRS WHATSAPP, WISE UP…