In not so serious news today we were provided a recorded phone conversation between Lutepo and President Joyce Banda in which Osward Lutepo is giving Former President Joyce Banda a heads up that he will cooperate with the Police and confess to his part on CashGate:
Osward: Hello your Excellency. It was so hard to track you down, How are you
JB: Osward I have been vey busy receiving awards and also raising money from International donors for my many charities. Anyway why are you calling me?
Osward: Madam President as you may be aware since the Baket Tilly report I have been in and out of Custody. Now the authorities are advising me that I can put a stop to this by telling the truth. they might show me some leniency …in audible
JB: What do you mean tell the truth?. Young man are you out of your mind. Do you remember what happened to Paul Mphwiyo?
Osward: I know it is difficult but I have to tell the authorities the truth. Unless you can come home and talk to them yourself.
JB: Bambo Lutepo … Do not forget our plans for 2019. When we get back the government from APM I plan to reward you handsomely like I did in the past with all those bogus government contracts. are you forgetting.
Osward: Madam I have no confidence we can ever beat APM, remember we failed to win even though we had all these cashgate money. What about Chakwera can we beat him?. I think I have made up my mind. I also spoke to Vice President Khumbo Kachali who told me to trust APM …..in audible … Pepani amai
JB: Why are you listening to Khumbo? Have you forgotten he never was in our plans going forward. As to coming to Malawi for now I feel safer here. I heard that rat Raphael Kasambara has also been giving Paul Mphwiyo tough time in court. Do you think Paul will cooperate like you. You boys I chose you because I thought you were royal but now you are letting me down. You know I stood up to APM’s brother and won… did people give me a chance? no palibe. All this will pass and I will be President again. Tony Blair and my friends at the UN are very supportive..
Osward: Amai I have already booked an appointment with Zodiak Radio and I intend to tell them everything. To protect myself I have some evidence detailing all our plans and how I gave you the funds. I just thought as a long time supporter I should give you a heads up. I also want to tell you that my health is failing. Do not worry about me I have taken precautions to hide. I am not going to be caught with my guard down like poor Paul. I hear he still has a bullet in his head.
JB: Go ahead mwana opusa iwe. I have my people crafting our response to what you will say. By the way my friends in the West will protect me and I will apply for Permanent Exile. I will never allow APM the last laugh. Bye and do not ever call me again.
All characters are actors and no such conversation ever took place. This is our way of poking fun at a very serious issue facing Malawians. Laugh a little…
